My life...

Photo

Fri, 30 Dec 2011 12:10:08 -0700

On window panes, the icy frostLeaves feathered patterns,...

Sat, 24 Dec 2011 23:45:50 -0700

On window panes, the icy frost
Leaves feathered patterns, crissed & crossed,
But in our house the christmas tree
Is decorated festively
With tiny dots of colored light
That cozy up this winter night.
Christmas songs, familiar, slow,
Play softly on the radio.
Pops and hisses from the fire
whistle with the bells and choir.
My tiger is now fast asleep
on his back and dreaming deep.
When the fire makes him hot,
he turns to warm whatever’s not.
Propped against him on the rug,
I give my friend a gently hug.
Tomorrow’s what I’m waiting for,
But I can wait a little more

ombuddha: You are not exhilarated with life. You are not...

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 00:40:04 -0600

ombuddha:

You are not exhilarated with life. You are not surprised - you start taking things for granted. The innocent heart is continuously in wonder like a small child collecting seashells or colored stones on the beach or just running hither and thither in a garden after butterflies and being surprised by everything. That’s why children ask so many questions.
If you go for a morning walk with a child you start feeling exhausted, because the child goes on asking about this and that, asking questions that cannot be answered: “Why are the trees green?” and “Why is the rose red?” But why is the child asking? He is intrigued. He is intrigued in everything. The word interest comes from a root that means to be involved in - inter-esse. The child is involved in everything that is happening.
The more you become knowledgeable, the less and less you remain involved in life. You simply pass by - you are not concerned with the cow and the dog and the rose bush and the sun and the bird; you are not concerned. Your mind has become very narrow; you are just going to your office or back to your home. You are just running after money more and more, that’s all. Or after power, but you are no longer related to life in its multidimensionality. To be in wonder is to relate with everything, and to be constantly receptive.

Osho.

Photo by Gregg Chadwick.

what does it mean to “find yourself”? or should the better question be HOW can one find...

Tue, 05 Jul 2011 22:05:29 -0600

what does it mean to “find yourself”? or should the better question be HOW can one find themselves in a world which prides itself on telling people who they are and who they should be?

Happiness

Sun, 29 May 2011 11:16:53 -0600

Is simple but yet complicated at the same time.

If you choose to pursue it, you will lose it.

When you least expect it, it creeps up behind you and surprises you.

It’s not found in material things, but the people who make our lives that much more worth while.

Happiness is in the paths and journeys we chose to take, not the final outcome or destination.

Enjoy life, because we only have so many years to enjoy it. Happiness will come to us in little packets of joy, so appreciate them, and remember to take the good times with the bad. Because without times of difficulty, the good may not seem as great.

cold as ice

Tue, 24 May 2011 20:42:00 -0600

trust. To some it comes by easy, but to others trust is some foreign and abstract concept that they can’t seem to understand. But there are some, who know the definition of ‘trust’, but have never shared it with another. This is me and I, sadly, have major trust issues.

This isn’t like the juvinille trust issues when you were back in elementary and were terrified of lending your pencil to the one kid whose nutorious for gnawing prestine writing utensiles to the nub. No, this is much more serious than teethmarks and drool over your no. 2 HB pencil. It’s more like sinking deeper and deeper into a hole that you continually dig for yourself. You don’t mean to, but when you realize what’s happening you find that your’re more isolated then ever before.

Sure you have friends, and you life sounds so good on paper. Student Council executive, avid volunteer, hard working at your part-time job, straight A student. But what does all this matter when your f*cking miserable inside? where you’ve gone so numb that tears no longer fall from your eyes.

Do that sound pretty serious to you? But how did I get here? How have I been digging that godforsaken hole for all these years and not know it. Well, I’ve never trusted anyone enough to tell them an ounce about my pain. Never, not once. I’ve never told my mom, dad, sister, friends. No one. And now it has come back to haunt me.

My friends have become more like aquaintences now. Just common faces I see in the halls every day. They’ve moved on, and I completely understand. Because friendships, let alone all relationships, are built upon trust. You’re supposed to give and take. But all I’ve been doing it take, take, and take. They trust me, they used to at least. They would confide in me about their pain, sorrows, triumphs; they wanted to make me a part of their life. And I was there to listen. But I never returned the favour. They would let me in, but all I did was keep them out of my life. I never let them learn a thing more about me than the fact that I’m a “Student Council executive, avid volunteer, hard working at your part-time job, straight A student”. Emotionally, I was cold as ice. And sadly, still am.

I started to despise everyone, because I felt so alone. But i never let anyone know this. I just became more quite, I talked less, my smile became more like a grimace, and slowly sunk into the background. This frustration would then follow me home, and I would explode on anyone in my family at the slightest annoyance. Even with a simple question like “what time do you go to work today”. Boom. Sparks fly, I shout out that no one cares enough to listen to me when I told them the first time and how they constantly ask the same question over and over again. Even though I know I never told them earlier, and that this was indeed a harmless question. After this explosion, I retreat back and feel guilt for acting the way I did, and I slip further into the background. I try to push everyone away so that I won’t act out on them, but yet it’s their comfort that I need more than anything in the world right now.

I’m too f*cking damn proud to admit that I need help. I’m afraid I’ll be judged. My self-esteem has never been lower, and I loath what I see every time I step in front of the mirror. I’ve battled acned on my face, back and chest for over 4 years now, and I’ve got the scars to prove it. Literally. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on skin care products and lotions to heal my skin, but nothing seems to be working. I’m so tired of all this sh*t. I just want to enjoy my life, my youth. But I don’t want people to say that I’m a sorry ass brat who complains and does nothing about it just because she want attention. But I have tried, but this hole I’ve dug is far too deep and I need the support of my family and friends to help get me out. But I’m afraid to tell them all this that I’ve said in the post. How will I face them?

Lost his arms from an accident at age 10, Liu Wei from Beijing...

Mon, 11 Oct 2010 20:39:20 -0600

Lost his arms from an accident at age 10, Liu Wei from Beijing never gives up living strong. He managed to do everything with his feet and started to learn to play piano at age 19. His dream is to become a musician. He is now 22 and just won the China’s Got Talent Show on Oct. 10, 2010. In the final, he played piano and sang the song “You Are Beautiful”, perhaps his vocal is not the best render of this song, but the power and inspiration of his zest for life won him the final. Bravo! Liu Wei’s motto is,”I have two options - I can die as fast as possible, or I can live a brilliant life. And I chose the latter.” Congrats to Liu Wei!

This is truly, truly inspirational

We watched this in calculus class today, and something inside me...

Fri, 08 Oct 2010 16:05:58 -0600

We watched this in calculus class today, and something inside me was touched by the message in this video. I was fighting back tears during this video, yeah it really meant that much to me… I’ve got to learn to smile again, it’s not only hurting me but possibly all those around me to. I’ve got to learn how to feel again, because I’ve been so depressed about my life for the past couple of years now.

It’s the start of the Thanksgiving long weekend today, and our teacher told us that we should thank those around us, either with a hug or a kind word or two, to show them how much they really mean to us. When was it the last time you said “I love you” to your mom and dad? People will never now how much they really mean to you if you don’t tell them. And who wouldn’t want to be complimented every now and then.

So have a happy Thanksgiving everyone, and mom and dad I love you. ♥

Photo

Sun, 19 Sep 2010 17:46:20 -0600

"Dear AP student, AP stands for Advanced Procrastinator. Reading this is okay… you’ll..."

Sat, 18 Sep 2010 12:23:28 -0600

“Dear AP student,
AP stands for Advanced Procrastinator. Reading this is okay… you’ll finish your work tomorrow, right? Right.
Sincerely, just another AP student.”

- dearblankpleaseblank.com

note to self: work on this„, please (it’s all part...

Sun, 12 Sep 2010 18:40:42 -0600

note to self: work on this„, please (it’s all part of that moving on thing)

Stuck...

Sun, 12 Sep 2010 18:38:29 -0600

Stuck in a rut, and it seems like i can’t go anywhere. I’m stuck between how i used to be and where i want to be, if that makes sense at all. It seems like everyone around me is starting a new chapter, but I’m still here.

What’s wrong with me anyways? Why can’t i move on, why can’t i be more care free? My mind is swamped with endless questions, and i don’t seem to be coming closer to an answer….i kno i need to start letting people into my life before things can start getting better. But that is easier said then done…..

I overthink every situation, and i over analyze life, i just want to live and be free of this prision i’ve built for myself. I kno i can’t be perfect, but i just want to be in a better place than here; not stuck between the past and the present…i just want to be happy. Is that too much to ask?

Wow. sometimes this is so true, and if you have ever felt this...

Sun, 05 Sep 2010 19:07:39 -0600

Wow. sometimes this is so true, and if you have ever felt this way then you know just how powerful these words are. I have never been the type of person who can just talk about stuff, especially when it comes to pain and emotions.

WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

Wed, 18 Aug 2010 15:57:38 -0600

Hong Kong ☺

Tumblr today ^_^

Wed, 18 Aug 2010 15:56:50 -0600

Signed up for tumblr today cuz my friends made me ^^”’ but i love them to death <3 I miss them so much cuz all of us have been so busy this summer, but today my best friend is the sun, and we’re gonna be spending a lot of time together. I’m sure of it! =D And fyi, my foot’s asleep.